Excidium Umbra
by cthulu1
Summary: A... different take on the finale of the Lair of the Shadow Broker DLC. Kinda silly/kinda serious/kinda Shepard getting trolled by the Normandy crew.


Shepard, Liara, and Miranda stepped into the Shadow Broker's office. The brunnete Commander pulled a pistol from her hip, and pointed it directly at the massive figure behind the only desk in the room.

It said, in a deep voice strikingly similar to Sovereign's, "Commander Shepard. You have more gall than I gave you credit for."  
"You blew up an entire building and turned a Spectre rogue. That kind of behavior tends to get my attention. Not to mention the whole trying to sell my body to the Collectors thing."

The Broker turned his attention to Liara, and said, "I am impressed, Dr. T'Soni. You have proven to be most tenacious. I have to thank you for bringing both Shepard and Ms. Lawson to me. Their deaths should prove catastrophic for the future of Cerberus."  
Liara started to talk, but Shepard interrupted, and said, "Miranda and I quit working with Cerberus weeks ago. So that effect has already kinda happened."  
"And even if they weren't, you aren't going to kill anyone." Liara said.

"You say that yet I know all your secrets. All of your skills. While you are fumbling in darkness."  
"You know, I kinda take offense to you saying that you know _all_ my techniques." Shepard said.

"Jennifer, can you try to treat this a little more seriously?" Liara asked, snapping at the Commander.

"Alright I'll shut up." the vanguard replied fiddling with the second pistol on her hip.

Liara looked at the shadowy outline of the Broker for a moment, and said, "You're a yagh. A pre-spaceflight species that is quarantined to its homeworld due to the savage nature of your kind. Brutally murdering the Citadel First Contact Team sent to your world.  
"And, since this ship is at least seventy years old, I'm guessing that you killed the old Shadow Broker and took his place. So, I'm guessing you were taken from your homeworld by one of the former broker's agents. Either to be a test subject. Or a pet. How am I doing so far?"  
The Broker roared, and slammed his fists down on the desk. When it cracked he threw it. Jennifer lunged to put herself between it and Miranda on her right. But even with her superhuman speed, she was too slow.

The chunk of desk was behind her as she rolled back on her feet, and looked to see Miranda pinned against a crumbling wall by the broken furniture. The biotic could faintly see blood dripping from the back of the raven haired Operative's head.

Her eyes began glowing dark red, and the soldier said, "You just made a bad move, yagh."

It roared at her, and pulled out a Revenant assault rifle. Liara moved to assist, but Shepard growle, "Stay back. This fucker is mine."

"Shepard, I think you're letting your emotions get ahead of your better judgement."  
"The only thing getting in the way of my better judgement is you second guessing me, asari."  
"You do see the size of that thing, right Shepard?"  
"Size doesn't matter." Jennifer replied, "Now stay out of the way. This fucker made it personal. Time to show him what happens when you piss me off." the air around her shifting. The yagh charged, expecting to crush the human woman.  
Instead, she stood her ground. When he smashed into her at full speed, she seemed to nto even acknowledge something had attempted to occupy the same space.

The alien bounced off, almost comedically. It roared, and drew an omni-shield. Slamming the shield into the ground, it motioned for Shepard to attack.

The Commander smirked, a blade made of a strange metal that looked as if ruby and sapphire had wrapped themselves around each other so tightly and complexly that no mortal hands could form it.

She charged. The floor she stepped on rising into spikes in the wake of her feet. She brought the metal weapon down upon the creature. She slammed it against the shield. The orange energy shimmered, and then pulsed, forcing the blade away.

Shepard grinned, a sadistic smile that would unnerve the bravest of krogan. She then flipped the sword around in her hand, so that the blade was facing her back.

She then raised it high above her head, and stabbed the strange weapon into the ground. As it pierced the metal of the floor, Shepardd shifted her footing, and charged. She slammed the weapon against the yagh's shield again. But this time she used her momentum to flip over the creature. It tried to turn around, but was too slow. She'd already pulled out another, shorter, blade and stabbed the yagh in the abdomen.

The Shadow Broker let out a cry of pain as the metal pierced its hide. It pulsed the shield and slammed it into Shepard. The veteran Commander caught it with one hand, and punched the yagh with her other.

The beast's jaw broke in four places from the force of the strike. Its once loud cries of pain reduced to mere whimpers.

Before it could react to the pain of the first punch, a second came. The yagh crumbled to the ground, the intense pain flooding its body nearly too much for its mind to handle.

Shepard pinned it to the ground with one foot, while pulling her first blade from the ground. As she stabbed at the Broker, an impenetrable shield came down from the ceiling. It snapped the blade in two, and pushed Shepard away.

Muttering under her breath about, "Damn quantum stasis barriers." she biotically charged into the glowing roof. As she hit it, thin cracks spread from the point of impact.

Landing on the ground, Shepard rolled away from a waterfall of plasma energy. Liara stood nearby, and offered Shepard a helping hand. The Commander pushed the asari aside, not even looking back as the yagh was consumed by the plasma. Leaving behind only a slightly burned section of floor.

Shepard sprinted over to Miranda, while Liara went over to the confused messages from the Shadow Broker agents. After throwing aside the rubble on top of the raven haired operative, Jennifer checked for a pulse.

Moving quickly to insure that nothing more happened to the Operative, the vanguard applied first aid. It only took a couple of minutes, and that was when she heard Feron say, "You're the new Shadow Broker?"  
and Liara reply, "Yes."  
The Commander stood up, the red glow in her eyes now only faint. She marched over to Liara in silence. The asari asked, "Is something wrong, Jennifer?" before the Commander's fist connected with blue skin.

The asari's skin deformed around the point of impact, as Liara fell to the ground. "You really have no reaction to what's happened beyond, "Hey, I'm the Shadow Broker now? Do you not see what it took to get you here?"  
"I appreciate your help, Shepard. And this was never my goal. It was to kill the Broker, and free Feron."

Jennifer shook her head, and said, "That is not what I am talking about, and you know it. What the fuck happened to you in the two years I was dead that all of a sudden you don't give two shits about hundreds of innocent civilians being dead? That you don't even show a second of delay before threatening someone's life for a few credits?"  
"You didn't see the things the Shadow Broker's men did while hunting your body."  
"So that's your excuse? The Shadow Broker's men where completely dead inside, and so that gives you the right to be too?"  
"I've been working myself ragged trying to take care of that yagh, Jennifer. When I heard you were alive, I thought that after the Shadow Broker was taken care of, things could go back to normal between us. How they were before you died. But, it seems you're more interested in a cold, unfeeling Ice Queen bitch."

Jennifer just shook her head, and said, "Miri's always been a hell of a lot warmer to me than you have been since I came back. I think we both know that the fact of the matter is we aren't interested in each other any more. That died two years ago with me and the SR1."  
"Jennifer, I loved you back on the Normandy. That doesn't simply change because you're gone for a couple of years."  
"Well, guess what, even if you did actually still feel that way for me, I don't feel that way towards you anymore. Not after what you've turned into. You've become the kind of person I spent three long years of my career trying to prove I wasn't.

"So let me put it this way, I'm going to give you a second chance, Dr. I'll let you play at being the Shadow Broker. But if I get a _single_ bit of solid information that says you're doing shit I don't approve of, working towards some crazy goal or another. I will look for you. I will find you. And I will have you replaced."

Liara nodded, and said, "You should probably see to it that Chakwas examines the health of your lover." bitterness clear in the asari's normally calm voice.

"I plan to." Jennifer said, before turning to Feron, and saying, "Piece of advice. Don't bother with T'Soni. One of the worst lays you'd ever have."  
He laughed, and said, "I'll keep that in mind."

-=0=-

Aboard the Normandy, Shepard sighed. Lying on the bed beside her, in a typical hospital gown, was Miranda. A few IVs were poking into the Operative's arms. Jennifer asked, "How long is she going to be unconscious, Karin?"  
"I can't say for sure. She's comatose, and all we can do is see to it that she has as gentle an awakening as possible."  
"Is there any sign that she's going to have any kinds of long term side effects from this?"  
Karin laughed, and said, "It doesn't look that way."  
Shepard sighed with relief. "Good."  
"So, how did your mission with Liara go, aside from Miranda getting injured?"  
"I'd rather not talk about it."  
"So you two weren't able to patch things up?"  
"Of course not. Even before I died I was looking for a way out. That asari is out of her goddamn mind."  
"How so?"  
"The bitch would never. Ever. And I do mean that. Stop talking about what she hoped our kids looked like. After we had sex one time. I said that I wasn't looking into having kids anytime soon, but that didn't stop her. It was always, 'kids this. Kids that.' with Liara."  
"I guess you were never very good at following the age old rule of, 'Don't stick it in crazy'." Chakwas said, laughing.

"Hey, I've only done it once."  
"That's better than most. And, Jennifer, I do think that you would make an excellent mother."  
"Are you crazy, Karin? I'd be the worst mom since that bitch who turned her own kids into cheesecake."  
"We are still unsure as to how that is possible." Legion said, as it walked through, back into the AI core.

"I don't know. Seeing how you care for your team, I think that would go ten fold for your children. I mean, you're sitting here at the bedside of a woman who you told me that the very sight of drove you crazy less than two months ago."

Shepard nodded, and said, "If I had kids I'd never be able to be there. With how I have to do what no one else can, there isnt a lot of free time."

"IF you were to have children you could make so that they live on the ship that you do."  
"A stealth vessel performing black ops is no place for children. If a member of my crew tried to bring their kids aboard I would slap whoever thought it was a good idea."  
Karin laughed, and said, "I suppose the covert nature of our work does make it less ideal." while EDI popped up saying,

"Commander, Dr. T'Soni would like to speak with you aboard the Shadow Broker's vessel."

Jennifer grimaced, and said, "I'll be there in a minute."

"I shall inform the Doctor."

-=0=-

On the Shadow Broker's vessel, Liara said, "I... overreacted earlier, Jennifer. I shouldn't have been so surprised that moved on after how much I've changed since two years ago. And, though I will still have feelings for you, I hope you and Miranda are happy together. Though, what is it that drew you to her? How she represents all that humanity could be through her perfection?"  
Jennifer shook her head, and said, "Nah. If she really were perfect she'd just be annoying."

"How so?"  
"Well, when someone is perfect, they're so much better than a normal person could hope to be that it's frustrating. Like a rookie trying to beat an expert."

Liara nodded, and asked, "What is it then?"

"At first I hated her. She seemed to be exactly what I hate in people. Cold. Emotionless. A killer not out of necessity, but out of sociopathy."

"That is how she seemed to me the few times I encountered her looking for your body."

"Yeah. She was incredible at putting up that guise. Making people think that she was unbreakable. That ice ran through her veins. But... one day on Illium. We had just finished a mission, and she just... veered away from the team. To an isolated corner. Garrus didn't notice it, but I've always kept a close eye on the locations of my team."

-=0=-

She was leaning on a wall. Staring at her omni-tool. That in itself wasn't abnormal for her. She was all business all the time I suspected that it was just a message from the Illusive Man. Before I saw tears start to form at the edges of her eyes.

This struck me as odd. I'd never seen Miranda express any emotion. Except the one time that she'd looked pissed before gunning Wilson down. She slumped down on the wall. That and her tears told me something was really, really wrong. I walked to her side, sat down, and asked, "What's wrong, Miranda?"  
She looked up, shock in her eyes at my presence. She quickly recovered her cold facade, and said, "Nothing, Commander." but I had seen her break down. Something was bothering her.

"If nothing was wrong, you wouldn't have slumped against this wall. If something important to you wasn't seriously fucked, you wouldn't have started to cry."  
She glared at me, and said, "I am aware of what you are doing Shepard. If I am having any personal issues it will not negatively affect the mission."  
"I'm not concerned about your performance. I know you're professional enough to not lose your cool while working. And that you'll never show any weakness if anything other than you is present. My concern is about what is wrong."  
"Why would you concern yourslf with the issues of a terrorist bitch?"  
"Because you're a member of my crew. For better or worse. As a member of my crew, my team, I see you as family. Anyone or anything that hurts my family hurts me through them."  
"You don't give two shits about me, Shepard. I know that if you could have your way you would throw me off the Normandy in a nanosecond."  
"That's true. But, at times I've thought about how nice it would be to kick each and every member of the Normandy crew off. Running a ship is like dealing with a lot of very large, very deadly, children. Sometimes you just want to space them all and get some peace and quiet."  
Miranda laughed, and said, "That's very true. While running Project Lazarus I felt that way a few times."  
I looked surprised, and said, "I didn't realize you could laugh. First see you cry, then laugh. If you keep this up, I might start thinking you're an actual human being instead of a Cerberus manufactured robot, Ms. Lawson."

"Ass."  
"No more so than the average soldier. But, seriously, Miranda, what's wrong? When I see you in a state like this, it tells me that I need to be really worried. Either about you, or something else."

"It's about my siste.r My father's men are here. On Illium. To kidnap her. I considered asking you for help, but realized that would be a frivolous use of your time. Like you said, we need to move quickly to prevent further abductions."

"Fuck that. Do you really think that I am going to just let something happen to your sister if there's a chance it can be stopped?"  
"To be honest, I did."  
"Wow. I'm not a bitch, Miranda. Remember what I said about my team being family?"  
"This way." Miranda said, standing up.

-=0=-

"After that, we got closer." Jennifer finished. "And eventually got together."  
"How is she doing now?"  
"Comatose. Karin doesn't know when, or even if, Miranda will wake up."

"I did not foresee such complications." Liara said, "I should let you head back to your ship. You have a lot to do."  
"That I do." the Commander replied, leaving the room.

-=0=-

Aboard the Normandy, Garrus, Jacob, Tali, Joker, Zaeed, Kasumi, and Chakwas were talking. The Doctor said, "Well, Ms. Lawson should stay in her comatose state for the next few days unless I cut off the sedative."  
"Sweet." Kasumi, Zaeed, and Joker said. "If we're right, you three better pay up."

"I seriously doubt you are." Garrus replied, "You should know how much Shepard and Miranda hate each other. If they didn't both want to see the Reapers defeated with minimal casualties, the probability of them both seeing the end of the day would be less than none."

"You said that there was no way Shepard would sleep with an asari, but she slept with Liara."  
"I was wrong there, but she and Liara always got along. Shepard and Miranda only aren't fighting when around each other if they're on a mission. Then the moment the job's done and we're out clear, they're right back to bickering."  
"I don't know. I think that was all just sexual tension, Vakarian. Their secret longing for each other that they couldn't admit. The yearning to just tear those clothes off..."  
"Shepard would never. Ever. Do anything with a Cerberus Bosh'Tet." Tali said, "Even if she wanted to."

"Well, Miranda ain't Cerberus anymore. Gave the Illusive Man the finger before we blew up the Collector Base."  
"Shh!" Karin said, "Go back to your posts. Jennifer's on her way back. If everyone is up here, she'll get suspicious."  
The team nodded, and dispersed. While Karin examined the cripple's shoulder. Jennifer walked in, and said, "Hi, Karin. Why are you up on the bridge?"  
"Jeff refuses to head down to medical, and I need to give him a checkup."  
"Alright. How is Miranda doing?"  
"She's fine, the only real issue is the coma."  
Jennifer nodded, continuing to the elevator.

-=0=-

Later that day, during the Normandy's sleep cycle, Jennifer was sitting beside Miranda. When one of the Operative's hairs slipped out of place and over a closed eye, Jennifer pushed it back in place. She gently squeezed the Operative's hand, and said, "I guess it was a bit stupid to hope that you'd wake up just because I'm sitting here. That would be incredibly cliched, and we both know how much you hate cliché." 

"Called it!" Zaeed said, as he and Kasumi stepped up.

Jennifer jumped, and said, "What the flying fuck are you doing in sick bay at this time of night?"  
"Winning a bet, Shep. You've got it bad for her." Kasumi said, walking away, flipping a switch as she left.

A few minutes later, Miranda stirred. She opened her eyes, and said, "Why am I in medical?"  
"You got knocked out pretty bad." Jennifer said, "It's good to see you up again so soon."  
"Yeah. Though I don't exactly feel well rested."  
"Let's go get some sleep, then." Shepard said, helping Miranda up. As they walked towards the door, the Commander pulled the back of the medical gown a bit tigher around Miranda. "I don't want anyone seeing that."

The Operative chuckled, and said, "Neither do I." as they sneaked their way onto the elevator.

-=0=-

**A/N: So, this was just a weird little thing I thought of doing the other day. I hope you guys enjoyed. Also, don't worry about the amount of one-shots I'm putting out. I'm going to start writing my regular stuff again soon. I just got a few ideas that I wanted to write out. **

**So, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did please review and favorite. Until next time, Merry Christmas.**


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